he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
