Sponge bath it is.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
