Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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