i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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