Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
