How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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