I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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