I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
