I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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