so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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