So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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