you guys were way drunker than both of me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
