with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
