Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
