playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
