I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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