Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
