Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
