I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
