i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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