Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I smell like Dick and happiness
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