I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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