he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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