My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
