Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
