So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
