So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
