So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
