you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
