i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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