Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
