i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
