Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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