How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
