this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
