playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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