Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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