In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize