Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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