I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize