I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
