i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
