I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
