I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
