Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
