did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
time to smoke my breakfast
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize