and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
