tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
