Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
