I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
