Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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