you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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