are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
