she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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