I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize