i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize