i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
