...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
