sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
