the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
