So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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