Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
