She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
