i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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