oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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