Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
