he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
