Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
