i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
