We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
